Francine Jordà talks about two characteristics that play an important role in our sense of identity: BELONGING and BECOMING.
As mammals we need to belong. We start our life BELONGING to a family system, a workplace, a belief system or a religious community. In order to feel safe, we follow the rules of our system: In our family we may vote Liberal, we may eat meat, we may cheat on people. If I continue the pattern, I belong and I feel innocent.
Yet, in order to find our own truth, we need to BECOME. In our teenage years, we start to differentiate ourselves from our parents: I may vote Labor, I become vegetarian, I stop cheating. I take action, I take a conscious decision to break the rules of my family. I feel guilty, because I am not loyal to them anymore. But this guilt is a healthy guilt, it’s the one that is necessary to grow, to become, to have my own identity.